I’ve made no secret that in recent months, I have suffered from mild depression. I’ve been of the mind – this too shall pass. Question is is WHEN and WOULD YOU PLEASE PASS NOW! This has been worse than passing a kidney stone. Between back to back illness, allergies, Spawn’s medical issues, (for those who didn’t hear – valve is plugging away and we’ll look again the end of December) work situation, deaths both in my circle and those I’ve revered, the Muses clammed up, politics. just… unending unhappiness. It has gotten so bad, I’ve tuned out of most places that I frequent. I’m angry, my students are angry, my coworkers are angry. It’s just an angry, angry atmosphere.
When I took time off social media – to spend time with me – I began to reevaluate the things in my life. I realized that my life had fallen into a drudge of repetitiveness. I get up, get dressed in a fabulous outfit, go to work, pray that there is a) no traffic b) no cops c) no idiots on the road besides me. I pray to just get through the day, have students that ruined my day and class, come home, eat, play a little bit on the computer, find some politics that pissed me off, take a shower, go to bed with a book and fall asleep. Rinse. Repeat.
Do all this while sick and stressed and worried. Small wonder the muses went away.
There was a particularly bad spell about 2 weeks ago where I felt that I was in everyone’s crosshairs and now I’m worried about MORE things than health and hearth. So in the ensuing rant with My Creator on the way home about why does my life suck, I actually talked to Him and demanded an answer.
And I got it.
Without going into serious conversational blow by blow, I was told, in short, I gave you specific gifts, gifts that when you utilize them and embrace their workings, you are happy. You are not utilizing them. Get off your kiester, Baby Girl, take joy in what I’ve given you and smile! Enjoy the fruits of your labor! And I’m going to drop the beginnings of it in your lap tomorrow morning, so know it was me, I am The Lord, Thy God! Now watch the road, because you almost side-swiped that guy! Oh and next time you buy clothes, take a leap of faith and get pants a size smaller.
Now, before I go any further, yes, God calls me ‘Baby Girl’ and he says it with a Southern Accent!
Either way, I go to work the next morning and in my email is a standard request, choral director looking for an accompanist for a small group of girls, singing in a competition in 3 days.
1 song. 1 performance. What’s your standard rate?
So last Saturday, I headed an hour out to an itty bitty town, got lost, got found, and played something really sweet for a small group of high school girls and was paid a sweet rate. (really!) for 5 minutes worth of semi-work and just had the best time. I get in the car to come home, and God says
Why are you smiling?
I had a good time. This was fun. I enjoyed myself.
I enjoy…ed myself.
That’s what I thought you said. Now go do it again. Do this with your kids. They’re hurting. So are you. Thing is, they don’t know why they’re hurting. You do. And I wasn’t joking about the pants.
I should back up. When I got that request, I received another request to be part of a musical think tank to develop a music program similar to the program we use for our K-2, but to develop for our 3-5. This would be a think tank with a well known and respected national music facility.
Oh I’m all over this like white on rice.
So when I bought my Easter Dress, I bought a top for Mom, a lacy top for me and a pair of jeans that are one size smaller than what I’ve been getting.
When I got to work yesterday, I was brain-storming for my first class. Okay, I was praying – I normally don’t look forward to Friday. My last 2 classes of the day are the 2 worst classes in the school. Getting through that almost 2 hours is damn near impossible. But I needed SOMETHING.
So I’m playing some jazz and I get to dinking around youtube and I find something, something I”ve not done in years. And it was old and stupid, but my elementary classes from back when loved it. BEGGED for it. As reward!
It was MY happy place that I’ve not thought about in years and years. My 1st class ate it up!! My 5th grade not only joined me, but they taught my some new things I’ll never get but it was okay because we laughed and enjoyed because they taught me something. We had so much fun. Our school nurse joined us for a time. So did some of the custodial staff! I’m told our principal sat in an office LISTENING to the noise going on and asks – what is going on down there??? My last 2 classes WEREN”T horrid. I got home and my clothes were in. My Easter Dress fits like a glove and those size smaller jean look FABULOUS!
I need an excuse to wear this. It’s much sheerer than this and really isn’t work appropriate.
Yes I can get into them and they aren’t skin tight! And you might have noticed the muses are talking to me again!
Oh. My Happy Place? I taught them to do the Electric Slide and we danced to this…
We also did the Cha Cha Slide, among other things! I did this ALL DAY! I got in my cardio and my blood sugar was the lowest it’s been in months yesterday morning. (It’s still high, but it’s waaaay down – 227)
(Oh they thought the 70’s fashions were hysterical!!!)
Now, go be fabulous!!!