A dear dear friend lost her long battle with cancer this morning. JB had one of the most angelic and powerful voices I’ve ever come across. One of my favorite memories of her was her part in Fiddler on the Roof at college – she played Fruma-Sarah with such exuberance, she stole the show.
We lost touch for 35 years and finally reconnected several years ago. We – along with another college friend – had dinner over Christmas break a few years back. We planned a picnic this past spring, but Covid did away with that. She fought Covid, along with cancer, this past summer. I figured if she could beat this disease, so could I. But neither one of us did. I’m certain it contributed to her death.
I am just gutted. Gutted. It’s the only word I can think of.
As it stands, I’m scheduled to return to work a week from Monday. They’ve scheduled my triumphant return twice before so we’re going to see and knock on wood. Truth is, right this minute, I’m worn down, tired and coughing a blue streak. I’ve told Spawn if my mouth turns blue, he is to take me to the ER up in The Big Town. Period. End of discussion.
when the light at the end of the tunnel is very big.
And there are days it is very small. For the most part lately, it is been very very very small. I’m hacking a lung and not sleeping well.
It’s during these times, little things make my day and make that light get bigger, even if it’s just for a few minutes.
I got an unexpected package the day before yesterday. It was one of those days Spawn forgot to get the mail and feeling my oats, I went out after 10 PM to get it. The weather has been delightful, not humid and about 30 degrees cooler than it has been. When I got out of the hospital, it was so humid it took my breath.
But it was lovely out, the stars were out, the moon was bright and when I put my hand in the mailbox, something besides bills, flyers or magazines came out.
It was a lovely handmade envelope and it come from far far away. The envelope was so pretty, I hated taking scissors to slit it! But what was inside was lovely.
LOOK! A new facemask to add to my collection. Not only do we have Guy and Thorin but GARY too! and It’s reversible. Yas!
The earrings are one of a kind – Rider of the Mark and the lovely note from the sender with GUY! It’s up on my mirror so I can look at it all the time!
Thank you, Guylty for thinking of me. This past week has been very scary. Very very scary and I’m really worried. I have coughed so much and so hard, my sternum, ribs and diaphragm ache. My doctor is scheduling me for a chest xray and a visit to the pulmonologist. Sometimes, I don’t think I’ll ever get well. Spawn is very worried. The other night, he hugged me and cried because he was afraid I was going to take my last breath and he didn’t know what to do. So this came at the perfect time. Thank you!
I was supposed to return to work today. It didnt happen.
As I mentioned Friday, Thursday night was a horrid night and it’s given me little relief. The only way I don’t hack is to take a cough syrup with narcotics and I can’t be trusted with children. I don’t trust me with children right this second.
My doctor does not want me in his office – I would catch everything – so he’s referring me to a pulmonologist and scheduling chest xrays. A friend of mine who is a nurse in the UK says this is very common – post-Covid-infections. This is how this disease differs from the flu. I’ve had Covid, now I”m going to have every lung infection known to man. Not happy. Not happy at all.
Is winding up. I’ve posted the last full chapter at Dreamerfiction and will follow suit at AO3 and FFnet. There is an epilogue after that and I will post it in the next 10 days as the next installment deals with Sir Guy’s ghost and who he slings around. I’m thinking that installment will be 2 or 3 chapters. I want to post it for Halloween! It’s been written for a few years, so I’m excited to FINALLY be able to post it!!!
Actually, last NIGHT was not a good night and it’s rolling over into today. Spawn and I decided that after we picked up ALL of the meds my doctor prescribed, (more anti-biotics, stronger inhaler and cough syrup with MORE NARCOTICS!) we would go up the road and do laundry. It cost way less than half of what it costs down here and we’ve made a point to make the monthly trip to the pharmacy in old stomping grounds an all day affair, with rx and clothes.
Well, we get to the laundry mat to discover that a) the air conditioner is out b) they’ve opted to just put in a big fan rather than repair the ac c) the toilet is out with a note to go next door to the dollar general d) the dollar general is refusing to let anyone use their bathroom and e) they’d closed the doors and the inside of the laundrymat was about 120 degrees and HUMID.
My lungs just said no. It was the worst, longest 2 hours of my life. We finally took benches to prop the doors open. I was wheezing (hacking) when we got into the car and I tore open all of the rx bags and started inhaling and swallowing and drinking.
There is one bottle missing. This is my LIFE and I’m going back to work Monday with all of this in tow! To be honest, I’m not sure I’ll last the first day! We’ll see.
Right now, I have a headache. Bad. I was up every hour on the hour going to the bathroom. Means my bloodsugar is sky high. I can’t win.
I need some Guy. Seriously. Need this hawt, leather-clad hunk of burnin’ love! Fur shure.
okay, this is funny. I’m scrolling on the left to get to ‘media’ and I scroll past ‘blog posts’ really fast and I had to back up because it looked like ‘butt plugs’.
So we know last week, I was diagnosed with bronchitis, asthma hacks and all the stuff that goes with being a Covid Longhauler. So we added an antibiotic, inhaler etc to my regimen.
Monday, Spawn was at work and I needed an errand run, big time. (A cash deposit)
I decided – I’m feeling better. My feet aren’t swollen. 5 minutes to Walmart to make the deposit, 10 minutes tops in Walmart, 5 minutes home. 20 minutes tops. I can do this! What a great way to see if I’m ready to go back to work on Monday, right?
Riiiiiiiiiiiight.
No sooner than I pull out onto the main road, my car starts making a funny noise and I see that my front passenger side of the car is lower than my side. I pull into the very next gas station and yep – it’s flat. Someone is parked in front of the air machine so I have to do all sorts of aerobatics to get the air cord around to the far side of my car.
When I was young and thin and pretty, I never had to go through this. There was always a knight in some sort of armor, willing to help me out. I never changed a tire, never put air in one, nada. Now that I’m old and fat, the best I get is the kid in the car parked in front of the air machine. Comes out of the store with his mom, sees he’s going to have to go around the car to get in and snips at me – Gee Lady, did you have to block the front of the car?
Well, gee son. Seeing how you’ve got the air machine blocked, I guess I did. Nyah!
It took a while.
$4.50 later, I’m finally pumped back up and back on the road to Walmart.
Where they’ve reduced the number of regular cash registers from 24 to 9 and I need a cashier to manage my transaction. There are serious lines with serious amounts of groceries in all 4 of the registers open (that never changes) and I’m trying to social distance.
Long story short, my 20 minute excursion took over an hour and I paid the price that night. Nagging cough (not deep, thank you) and pure exhaustion.
Over the weekend, my antivirus updated and replaced my browsers with Bing. Can anyone tell me how to get this piece of shit OFF my computer? I had a direct link for a conversation and Bing refused to take me to it. It wanted to SEARCH for me. I don’t need to search, I have it! Will you please go to it?
Oh we’re searching. Here.
No, that’s a log in I do NOT need. Here is the direct link.
We’re searching.
30 minutes later, Bing decides this is a direct link and lets me go to it.
It suck moldy donkey balls.
AAAAAAAND I saw my doctor again yesterday. He says I sound much better and much stronger and hey let’s give going to work on Monday a go.
I’m going in Monday for one day preplanning. Means between now and Sunday, I have to clean house, do some laundry, I need to pick up meds. I would love to get waxed and get my toes done. They are nasty! And rest. I imagine if I have an asthma hack attack, someone will send me home.
I’m thinking SPawn and I will load the laundry in the car and when we head to get rx refilled, we’ll do the laundry (as it costs half up there then here) and I’ll get my toes done before we leave.
1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? Not really
2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? 2. It’s not the dark I’m afraid of, it’s the things in my path if I get up. Once I was so disoriented, I ended up in my closet!
3. The person you would never want to meet? Hitler
4. What is your favorite word? uhm…..
5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? Weeping Willow
6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? Dear God, I’m getting old!
7. What shirt are you wearing? White Tee
8. What do you label yourself as? Why do we have to label ourselves?
9. Bright room or dark room? Depends. In order to see my keyboard, bright room. For reading and stuff, dark. (Kindle is a paperwhite)
10. What were you doing at midnight last night? Tossing and Turning
11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? 23
12. Who told you they loved you last? My son
13. Your worst enemy? Oh gee… do I have enemies? I mean, I’m sure I do, I just don’t really know about them.
14. What is your current desktop picture?
15. Do you like someone? Strange Question. I like lots of people. Am I in love with someone? No. Am I crushing on someone? Sure.
16. The last song you listened to? There’s a hole in the bottom of the sea
17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? MWUHAHAHAHAHAHA ONLY ONE????? The Squad! For starters!
18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? Again only one? AOC. Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer, Maxine Waters!
19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? I think y’all know the answer to that and I’m not telling.
20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) My Smile
21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? I’d look like me and I’d probably sit around with my hand in my pants.
22. Do you have a secret talent? Yeah If yes, what is it? Well, it wouldn’t be a secret then, would it?
23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? Nothing unique really. Spiders, snakes, something happening to my son.
24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. Ham and swiss with mayo, lettuce and onions and oregano and pepper
25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? CLOTHES! MAMA NEEDS NEW SHOES!!!!
26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? Hawaii!
27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? I don’t drink. I don’t like the taste! Screwdriver without the vodka
28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? No one underage! You must be legal! Epstein didn’t kill himself!
29. What is your favorite expletive? EFF!
30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? My laptop and externals! (pictures and stuff are on them!)
31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? My marriage. Or my time with my former fiance
32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! well, since I’ve been time traveling and sleeping with celebrities, let’s just say I continue that, okay?
33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? Jesus
34. What was your last dream about? For the life of me, I cannot remember!
35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]? Well shit, I dunno!
36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? *coughs* a few times
37. Have you ever built a snowman? Yes
38. What is the color of your socks? I’m barefoot
39. What type of music do you like? Anything but rap and screamo
40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? Sunsets because I”m usually already awake
41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Vanilla!
42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer) None of them! They’re all being pricks right now! I watch sports for sports, NOT for the woke social commentary!
43. Do you have any scars? Yes
44. What do you want to be when you graduate? Take over the world!
45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? My weight
46. Are you reliable? Pretty much
47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? Does it ever get any better?
48. Do you hold grudges? Not really
49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? Good God, that’s wrong! Just wrong!
50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? When my son asked me about the facts of life. I bought him a book and told him if he had any questions, ask one of his uncles.
51. Are you a good liar? I don’t know. I tend to be rather honest!
52. How long could you go without talking? Days if I’m not teaching
53. What has been you worst haircut/style? I went to a school of cosmetology and the guy curled my hair like a cap! I mean it looked like I had on a cap and there was one row of curls from chin to chin all the way around. It was awful.
54. Have you ever baked your own cake? yes
55. Can you do any accents other than your own? Yes but I can’t keep them up for long
56. What do you like on your toast? Butter or apple jelly
57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? a blueprint of my classroom
58. What would be your dream car? DELOREAN!
59. Do you sing in the shower? NO! Or do anything unusual in the shower? I WASH! Okay? Explain.
60. Do you believe in aliens? yes
61. Do you often read your horoscope? I go in swatches
62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? Z
63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? oh Dragons!
64. What do you think about babies? well, if we didn’t have them, the world would come to an end in about 80 years.
Well, now they’ve hidden drafts! I had a lovely rant about my Mom and I’m not going to redo it. Really becoming more and more disillusioned with WordPress’s new set up. And they keep spamming me to BUY a premium WordPress. Fuck no! I can’t cope with the new free shit, what makes you think I want to pay for shit I can’t cope with?
No, Zee is NOT in a good mood today! So let’s just… do what we came here to do!
Thar ya go! Have a good one! I”m going to talk Spawn into going to do laundry!
It is a somber day here in the States. And here in my neck of the woods, the temps are down 20 degrees and it is raining. Has been raining since this morning. I’m in the living room, in my comfy chair with my feet propped up. It’s a lazy lazy Friday.
I got really good news yesterday afternoon. I was informed I didn’t have to worry about being short sick days. I’ve gone through the days the State has given me and I’ve also gone through my county sick days. I am in no place really to return to work. Even my doctor said, you’re not ready. There’s the residual bronchitis for starters. Either way, I received a text and an email and a phone call from peoples and after some paper work was filled out and turned back in, I have all the sick days I need.
Knock on wood and thank you, Jesus.
It is a relief and a weight off my shoulders. In the words of my administration – now you can relax, not worry, and GET WELL!
zee's muse 