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strokin’

Posted the week of: August 2003
Title: Strokin’
Author: ZeeDrippyVessel
Fandom: Tolkien
Genre: FCHet
Characters: Haldir/OFC
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer 1; I’m not Tolkien, I don’t pretend to be the Great one, I didn’t sell this, yada yada yada Don’t waste your time coming after my finances, as I have none.. My OFC is mine.
Challenge: British Charms/Fires of Heaven song fic challenge
Warnings/Spoilers: Takes place between Empty Vessel and Tel’ Lindar
Beta: Alex – bless her pea-pickin’ heart…
Timeline: Now

Summary: Haldir experiences a teenage “rite of passage” in 21st century Wales.

***

When I start makin´ love…

***

Haldir hated this “new” Middle Earth.

Only, it wasn’t Middle Earth anymore. It was Earth and this was Great Britain; Wales to be exact. According to Tel’ Lindar, this was where the Westernmost part of Middle Earth had ended up. Nothing was familiar, nothing looked the same. The air stank with pollution and filth belched from factories. The world was noisy, young people were rude; they stared at him and his fellow Elves as if there was something wrong with their ears.

“And what was wrong with my ears?” he asked one pertinent youngster who had dared approach him. “You have purple hair that stands up like ax blade. And you call me weird?”

Bronwyn had taken him into the country after that, explaining that it was a good thing they had come back earlier than planned. Had they waited, Elrond’s children – The Wizards – would have suffered, been annihilated, totally wiped off the face of the Earth. Only Gandalf, Celeborn and Elrond himself had met any of these hidden children. And only two at that: Cornelius Fudge, their Minister, and Albus Dumbledore, a wizened, very learned man in charge of teaching the English Wizarding children.

Bronwyn had been negotiating peace treaties that day with the Middle East – what a tangle that was. Softening up clans that had been fighting, arguing for a millennia. Didn’t they have anything better to do, besides fight?

Finally, the way had been paved, the Elves accepted and Bronwyn had taken Haldir to her cottage.

Her home. She said only a few months had elapsed since Duncan’s human death and the time of their return.

Located near the cliffs of Wales, it looked similar to the cottage created for them in the Undying Lands, the main difference being it did not become expansive on the inside. It was small, tight. He was not shocked at the clutteredness of it; music scattered everywhere, books piled, stashed, in every nook and cranny. Her vast array of instruments. Duncan’s things.

What had angered him, shocked him the most was walking into her kitchen, with the small table by the window. He slipped on the water that still lay puddled all over the floor and found a row of white sleeping pills, lined up on the table, left there when Tari had snatched her from her despair.

So close he had come to losing her. He could have never known her. Had she not come to him, he could have just as easily ended up a corpse at Helm’s Deep…

***

I don´t just make love…
I be strokin´ …

***

She had something on her mind, something up her sleeve. He knew it, he could feel it, sense it. She had insisted they come to the cliffs tonight, to watch the fog roll in.

He hated cars as well. Why drive in these nasty, smelly, noisy things, when one could walk or ride a horse? An airplane flew overhead.

That, he did not want to contemplate!

He scowled deeply and studied the lighthouse out on the rocky island across from him, watching its beacon flicker.

***

I stroke it to the east
And I stroke it to the west
And I stroke it to the woman that I love the best
I be strokin´ …

***

Bronwyn sat on the hood of the car, its engine still warm and ticking, watching the back of the grouchy Elf standing in front of her. She had talked him into wearing blue jeans, button downs – he had refused to zip anything over his personal parts – and a plain black long-sleeved rugby shirt, pulled taunt across the back of his broad shoulders. The color set off the moon colored hair to its best advantage and he had shoved the cuffed sleeves up to his muscular forearms. She wondered if he truly knew how delicious he looked.

Looking at him made her horny. And that was exactly the reason why she brought him out here.

***

Let me ask you somethin´…
What time of the day do you like to make love …

***

She had finally talked him back into the car. The CD player had been playing Mozart – his favorite – when she popped the CD and turned it to a soft jazz station.

“Baraermin. You know what happens when you play jazz.” he whispered, leaning over the console.

“Hmm. We dance. And you undo my top and play with my breasts.”

His lips hovered above hers. “And then other… things happen…”

“Yessssssss…”

Their lips met.

“OUCH!”

Bronwyn leaned back, watching her husband grimace and rub his stomach. “That stick poked me!” He pointed to the shifter. “Why do we not go home and finish this?”

“But Haldir,” she smiled, “why drive all the way home, when we can enjoy a teenage rite of passage right here?”

***

Have you ever made love just before breakfast ?
Have you ever made love while you watched the late, late show ?
Well, let me ask you this
Have you ever made love on a couch ?

***

“Are you positively sure this a ‘teenage rite of passage’?” The two now sat in the back seat of the vehicle, Haldir bouncing his knee nervously. ” It is tight and cramped in this space. We can go home and continue in our bed…”

“Haldir! Please tell me you are not going to chicken out?” She sat next to him, her legs slung over his thighs. She had her arms wrapped around him, sheltered under his arm. The sounds of Tommy Dorsey wafted gently through out the car and the light from the lighthouse could be seen blinking in the thin fog.

Her hand fluttered at the edge of the rugby shirt.

“This will be fun! Lighten up!”

Haldir smiled. “Fun?” he leaned down, his lips hovering over hers. “Fun? We shall see…”

She giggled.

***

´I´m strokin´,
that´s what I´m doin´,
I be strokin´´ …

***

The light from the dashboard glowed eerily, as the music changed from Tommy Dorsey to Glenn Miller. Bronwyn was now perched fully on Haldir’s lap, their hands cavorting to the Dance of Touch.

***
Let me ask you something…
How long has it been since you made love,
Huh?
Did you make love yesterday ?
Did you make love last week ?
Did you make love last year ?
Or maybe it might be
that you be plannin´ on makin´ loooooove
tonight …

***

Their lips came together playfully. Giggles and chuckles could be heard outside the vehicle. Fingers intertwined.

The windows fogged up.

***

But just remember, when you start making love
You make it hard, long, soft, short

***

Lips fused, fingers pulled on shirts and grazed skin, his abdomen tight and ribbed, hers soft, pliable. His hand brushed around the velvety skin of her waist.

Shoes were kicked off. Clothes were being thrown haphazard around the vehicle.

Some nut was on the radio singing ‘Strangers in the Night.’

“I damn well do not think so!” Haldir mumbled between kisses. His hands were on her breasts, thumbing erect nipples. Bronwyn pulled back, moaning, giving him full access to the fleshy mounds that brought such pleasure.

“Hmmm?” She moaned. “You damn well don’t think what?”

“That we are strangers in the night!”

His mouth descended on her.

The windows fogged even more, the beam from the lighthouse becoming more and more muted.

***

I stroke it to the east
And I stroke it to the west
And I stroke it to the woman that I love the best
I be strokin´

***

Their pants were slung over the front seats, and when all was said and done, they would never find their socks. Haldir sat, on the edge of the seat, leaning back, her mouth, encasing him. Her teeth drug up the sides of his shaft, sucking on his slit.

“Saes. Vorya! Saes vorya!”

She came up for a brief second for air. “Now why, pray tell, would I want to stop?” Her mouth descended again.

“A! Nai!”

***

The other night I was strokin´ my woman
And it got so good to her, you know what she told me
Let me tell you what she told me, she said:
´Stroke it Clarence Carter, but don´t stroke so fast
If my stuff ain´t tight enough, you can stick it up my…´ WOO! …

***

“Hey! Not in the car!” She now straddled him and had been bouncing to the rhythm of the song on the radio, when he withdrew and moved to her back entrance.

“Why not?” His mouth moved back to her breast… he could talk her into almost anything when he played with her nipples.

“You’ll kill your back!” She slid him back into her sheath, sighing. “Besides, the angle is wrong.”

Oh, most definitely do NOT want a wrong angle…

His hands moved to her cheeks. He cupped them and aided her in her rhythm.

***

I stroke it to the north
I stroke it to the south
I stroke it everywhere
I even stroke it with my…

***

“Baraer. I can not concentrate if you giggle!”

“I can’t help it! This is funny!”

“And what is so funny?” He peered around in the glowing cabin of the vehicle, to see her look at him over her shoulder. She was grinning from ear to ear.

“I have never done this before!” She was leaning over the front seat, her derriere in the air. “Come and get it!” She wiggled her hips, leering suggestively. He grabbed them, holding them still.

“Do not giggle!” He buried his mouth in her mons.

“Ooooooh!”

***
Now when I start making love to my woman
I don´t stop until I know she´s sas-si-fied
And I can always tell when she gets sas-si-fied
´Cause when she gets sas-si-fied she start calling my name
She´d say:

***

“Haldir… Haldir… Haldir… oh yeah… oh yeah… Saes… Yonta… yonta… Nai!… Nai!… Yes!… Yes!… Yes!…ooooooh… shit… Haldir…”

***

And be strokin´
I be strokin´
I stroke it to the east
And I stroke it to the west
And I stroke it to the woman that I love the best, huh
I be strokin´ …

***
Bronwyn was sprawled on her back. They had taken their clothes and bundled them in a wad as a make-shift pillow under her head. One leg was thrown over the back of the seat, her right foot braced on the back window, her left foot, propped on the passenger seat. Haldir was between her legs, arms braced on the back seat above her head, and the back of the driver’s seat. Her head was thrown back, hands on his backside, goading him towards climax.

The windows dripped condensation.

“Saes… Saes… Saes… Saes… Saes…”

“Nai… Nai… Nai… Nai… Nai…”

They chanted in perfect harmony.

They didn’t notice the whirling blue lights pulling up behind them…

***

Well, let me ask you this
Have you ever made love on the back seat of a car ?…

***

Tap tap tap…

Bronwyn’s movement ceased immediately.

“Oh merde!…” She clung to her panting husband.

“One minute!” Haldir yelled. He never stopped pumping.

“Haldir…” she hissed.

“I am going to come and no one is going to stop me!” Haldir never ceased his steady rhythm. He looked down at her and kissed her playfully on the nose. “So are you.” He reached to her left knee and pulled it over his shoulder, ensuring his hitting that knotted mass of muscle, high in her slick encasement. She immediately began to build and a low moan escaped despite her most valiant efforts.

Tap tap tap.

“I insist the two of you step out of the vehicle immediately.”

Haldir rolled his eyes. “Are we breaking any of their silly laws?” he whispered.

“Uhm… uhm… public indecency… oh… oh… saes…”

“Oh.”

Haldir continued his pumping; his wife almost at her peak.

He rolled down the window…

***
I remember one time I made love on the back seat of a car
And the police came and shined his light on me, and I said:

***
“What?”

The officer almost dropped his flashlight. “What in God’s name do y’be doin’?” Quickly, he steadied his hand and shined in closer on the sweating…

“Oh dear God!” He took in the ears, the blonde hair, the breadth of the shoulders. He heard a second voice… a woman’s…

“Nai… Nai… Nai… Nai… Nai… Oooooo… saeeeeeesssss…”

The officer recognized them both.

Haldir of Lothlorien.

Tel’ Lindar… his wife…

“You have children?” The Elf’s voice was tight.

“Y-y-yes.”

“Oh yesss… Oh yesss… Oh yesss… Oh yesssssss…” Her voice.

“Now you know what we are doing. Go away.” The window went back up.

The officer stumbled back to his car. He turned and yelled over to the rocking car. “Uh, I’m just going to drive to the end of the road and block anyone from coming in, so you can… uhm… have some privacy… yeah… that’s what I’ll do… uhm… have a… uhm… pleasant… evening…” He could hear the Elf in his orgasmic throes.

As he drove to the bottom of the hill, he thought to himself, “My wife never yells like that…”

***
Strokin’
Clarence Carter

A! – oh!
Yonta – more
Vorya – Don’t stop
Nai! – Yes
Saes – please
Baraer – Fiery One.

*****

THE END

*****