I don’t know if it’s really getting deep, if I’m having deep thoughts or if I’m over thinking and I think I’m probably over thinking…

More behind the cut. You don’t have to read. This is really just me thinking outloud.

Years ago – in my early 20’s – I had a friend, yes male, and nice on the eyes. The whole – package – was nice. We met at church and as most of you know, we meet our best bad boys at church. We were and still are very different people and truth was we’d get together for 4 to 5 hours and then be done for a few months, just hey how ya doin’ and small talk. Several people at the time told me that the obvious electricity between us could start a fire, but we were both aware there was NEVER going to be anything more than what wass going on and that was that and to the best of my knowledge, he didn’t want more and neither did I.  He was FUN. One of my favorite memories was him riding me on his Harley motorcycle through a retirement community one Sunday afternoon – I was in skirt and heels and trying to keep my skirt DOWN and not doing a good job of it. I think I probably accidentally flashed a few old retirees. We lost contact about the time I was 29. We reconnected (not physically) almost 2 years ago. He is married, kids, lives 8 hours away, seems to be content in his life. And that’s fine. He’s a flirt and makes me smile on days I need a smile and I’m content with that. Neither one of us want or need anything more than the sporadic emails.

The other day, we were ranting back and forth and he asked me – how LONG has it been since we’ve seen each other? That was an easy one for me and I fired off – oh it was right after one of my brother’s bachelor parties, probably the younger one, because I was 29 and Spawn was 3 and you promised me that I wouldn’t spend my 30th birthday alone. Of course, you forgot and I spent my 30th birthday fully clothed with my family for dinner. No biggie.

He was quiet for about 30 minutes and fired back – I promised to take you out for your birthday and then didn’t?

Yeah. Don’t worry about it. I learned a long time ago when someone promises something, don’t count on it. Especially if the person who promised you is male. That way when it doesn’t come to pass, you’re not disappointed or let down. I wasn’t disappointed.

So now he’s upset because he thinks I’m upset. If I wasn’t upset, I wouldn’t have mentioned it, right?

Thing is, while I’ve not THOUGHT about it for years (it will be 26 years come this December) deep down at the time… it bothered me at some level and I don’t know why. It’s really such a little thing. And now it’s all back up to the surface and I should just let it go.

So I’m thinking, What is it about it that’s bothering me now? The fact he feels bad over a forgotten promise 26 years ago, the fact I really would have liked to have gone out with someone who made me feel feminine and made me laugh and liked me naked as well as clothed for that milestone or the fact that even after 26 years, the whole thing is still very vivid in my mind?

Maybe I just need a coke and some chocolate and not worry about it.  Oh and GuyDay. Need some GuyDay.