So I have had a rather unspectacular several weeks. Really. My life sucks and it’s not sucking what I would like to suck, and we just won’t go there, okay?
I’m sick of job hunting, I’m sick of my car, I’m sick of driving to the ends of the earth in a vehicle with no AC, cruising the bowels of hell for a thank you for your time, have a nice day and nada else! I’m sick of the strange things going on in my body that, trust me, you really don’t want to know about, I”m tired of looking at my original fiction – BOTH OF THEM – that I’ve not touched in two years – shoves two fingers at your nostrils – I’m sick of all my beloved things – and not so beloved things – sitting in a 10 x 30 storage unit down on the coast – I swear, I’m going to get my stuff out and it will be like brand new furniture all over again! –
I’m really sick of asshats on date sites. There! I said it! If you’re a guy on a date site, please…
1) Don’t approach a woman who lives over 500 miles away, use piss-poor language skills and tell her when she thanks you but tells you no thanks that ‘love transcends the miles’ – NO IT DOESN’T”T! I”M NOT HAVING SKYPE SEX, okay???? And I’m not going to do a long distance relationship ever again. Well there is ONE person I would with, but I’m willing to bet y’all know WHO it is and I’m willin’ to bet NONE OF YOU TURKEYS WHO ARE TELLING ME THAT IS HIM! And don’t ask for money or donations to some obscure charity in Nigeria!
2) If you are half the age of the woman you’re trying to score with and she tells you that you are younger than her son or some similar age – do not tell her that AGE IS JUST A NUMBER! Actually, you’re right – and it’s ain’t YOUR number and I don’t want your number and you ain’t gettin’ my number!
3) Do not chat up a girl for months and then disappear and come back months and months and months later and ask her if she’s interested in scratching your itch. She’ll actually be more interest in scratching your eyeballs out! Trust me on that.
4) Do not chat up a girl and get her interested and leading up to that first date over beverages at Starbucks and then ask her a question and delete your account with a by your leave or nada. That’s rude and you weren’t raised right. That’s putting you in the douche canoe. Nobody wants that. Trust me.
So after the ALL the above happened to me in the last three weeks, as you can guess, I was pretty fed up with life, happiness and the universe. And seeing how I was in SUCH a crummy mood, it was unfair to you – my friends – to put up with my snit.
Of course, there are things to get a girl OUT of her snit.
Come up with a new catch phrase. Oh Shucky Darn!
Friends who post a crap-load of The Beloved…
Rewatching The Beloved…
I love how my friends treat me.
Let’s discuss … nape curls… hmmm???
Oh – and Guylty’s RAPS!
and the new one that I would loooooooooove to have. I’ll give Paul a GOOD home! Honest!!!
Go give her some looooooooooove –
And then, when you’re just getting loose from the doldrum pit… a marathon of Duck Dynasty… I mean, c’mon… if these guys can become millionaires… why can’t I???
Yep. I’m so happy, happy, happy… I’m writing Manna.