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Let me rephrase that. For some time Zee has wanted to learn to knit. And crochet. I cross stitch – and beautifully, I might add. My backs look like perfect straight up and down lines. I run running threads between weave. I only stitch on linen. I’m anal that way. I still have the first piece I did – which ties in with the boring post I’m getting ready to make, but whatever… 

 

My grandmother – my dad’s mother – crochet. Beautifully. I have afghans she made me when I first went to college. They are gorgeous arts works of art. I have various many pairs of house shoes, etc. 

 

When my son was born, he was very sick. Very sick. For a time, I was convinced that when I finally got to bring him home, it would be in a casket. He was that sick. Within 24 hours, he was transported to another hospital (an awesome, awesome children’s hospital – Egleston – which is the children’t ‘wing’ of Emory University Hospital in Atlanta) Of course, everyone went to Egleston to be with him – leaving me alone. 

 

Except my grandmother. Who sat next to me and crochet and crochet and crochet… colors and bright and on and on for several days. And I cried because I feared I was going to be given clothes to bury him in. 

 

Eventually, he rallied and I put my foot down with my doctor (I was in the hospital for 6 days – for a vaginal birth) and told him either he could release me or I was climbing out the window because my baby was somewhere else. 

 

He released me. I get to Egleston and there is my grandmother, my MIL and HER mother (who was from the Olde Country and spoke no English) sitting in a bright corner, knitting away. They knitted Spawn and entire wardrobe… and blankets and pillows… and Christmas ornaments (He was born at Thanksgiving) ‘

 

My now former husband said he didn’t even KNOW his mother could knit. Go figure

 

(And yes, I still have all this stuff.) 

 

I was completely over-whelmed … and Intimidated. Someone bought me a little cross-stitch canvas piece – I still have it in the bottom of my basket. The back is one huge knot. 

 

But I digress. 

 

My grandmother often offered to teach me and I always figured… next time… later… 

 

But you know, you have a limited number of ‘next times’… and my grandmother passed away before she could teach me. 

 

And I kinda… wished… for a while. 

 

Recently, I came in possession of some knit and crochet patterns. 

 

Okay, that’s a understatement. I have in my possession almost 300G of digital knit and crochet patterns, ranging from 50’s publications to recent. 

 

And I started going through them – and quite frankly I fell in love – especially the patterns where the instructions are in Japanese. Oh and the Joan of Dork Knit for Nerds. They have Hobbit houseshoes that I must have, as well as a Bantha Hat. 

 

And I thought to myself… you know, I can cross stitch. This has to be easier. Really. 

 

*crickets*

 

You know, your mind LIES to you in the dark. 

 

EIther way, I got a pair of needles, 3 crochet hooks, some cute purple balls to put on the ends of my needles so I wouldn’t accidently use them as weapons of mass destruction and two cheap balls of yarn, dug through the how – tos in the arsenal and began. 

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Impressive right? 

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It didn’t look any better horizontally. 

 

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For the record, it took me over two hours to complete that glorious knot of yarn. Much sweat and cursing went into it.

 

I started to destroy it, but my mom insisted I keep it and put it in my basket with my ratty cross stitch piece – which really isn’t even cross stitch tbh – and so it has been been given proper services and put away. 

 

My friend Bev insisted I download Skype – which I’ve done and we stitch together once a week via video chat. Bev has crochet and knitted me several lovely items, including a cell phone carrier in my favorite color, a scarf, a bed jacket with matching slippers among other things. 

 

I’ve worked hard. Rather than unravel my masterpiece, I’ve simply made chain rows so I can see my improvement. 

 

Don’t laugh…

 

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Casting on isn’t a problem – it’s that first row that sucketh major massive moldy rocks. 

 

But I think the more recent rows look much better. 

 

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Which face it is a damn site better than V.1

 

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I was soooo proud of myself. I’ve even found a nearby (like under a mile away nearby) Knit Wits that meets once a month just to sit around and knit and chat. They help poor little newbies like myself. I can now complete the row in under 5 minutes. I”m doing good. 

 

or was. 

 

Either way – I’m bragging to Jollytr and she says – so it looks like this… 

 

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erm… not quite… 

 

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no. 

 

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But you know what? I”m going to do this! I WILL make my grandmother proud! I have Hobbit Slippers to make… and ruffled, buttoned gaithers and shawls – with the directions in Japanese – to make… and fingerless gloves and socks and Ogre headbands!!! 

 

I can do this! 

 

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I will succeed, no matter who it kills… 

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