Let me rephrase that. For some time Zee has wanted to learn to knit. And crochet. I cross stitch – and beautifully, I might add. My backs look like perfect straight up and down lines. I run running threads between weave. I only stitch on linen. I’m anal that way. I still have the first piece I did – which ties in with the boring post I’m getting ready to make, but whatever… 


My grandmother – my dad’s mother – crochet. Beautifully. I have afghans she made me when I first went to college. They are gorgeous arts works of art. I have various many pairs of house shoes, etc. 


When my son was born, he was very sick. Very sick. For a time, I was convinced that when I finally got to bring him home, it would be in a casket. He was that sick. Within 24 hours, he was transported to another hospital (an awesome, awesome children’s hospital – Egleston – which is the children’t ‘wing’ of Emory University Hospital in Atlanta) Of course, everyone went to Egleston to be with him – leaving me alone. 


Except my grandmother. Who sat next to me and crochet and crochet and crochet… colors and bright and on and on for several days. And I cried because I feared I was going to be given clothes to bury him in. 


Eventually, he rallied and I put my foot down with my doctor (I was in the hospital for 6 days – for a vaginal birth) and told him either he could release me or I was climbing out the window because my baby was somewhere else. 


He released me. I get to Egleston and there is my grandmother, my MIL and HER mother (who was from the Olde Country and spoke no English) sitting in a bright corner, knitting away. They knitted Spawn and entire wardrobe… and blankets and pillows… and Christmas ornaments (He was born at Thanksgiving) ‘


My now former husband said he didn’t even KNOW his mother could knit. Go figure


(And yes, I still have all this stuff.) 


I was completely over-whelmed … and Intimidated. Someone bought me a little cross-stitch canvas piece – I still have it in the bottom of my basket. The back is one huge knot. 


But I digress. 


My grandmother often offered to teach me and I always figured… next time… later… 


But you know, you have a limited number of ‘next times’… and my grandmother passed away before she could teach me. 


And I kinda… wished… for a while. 


Recently, I came in possession of some knit and crochet patterns. 


Okay, that’s a understatement. I have in my possession almost 300G of digital knit and crochet patterns, ranging from 50’s publications to recent. 


And I started going through them – and quite frankly I fell in love – especially the patterns where the instructions are in Japanese. Oh and the Joan of Dork Knit for Nerds. They have Hobbit houseshoes that I must have, as well as a Bantha Hat. 


And I thought to myself… you know, I can cross stitch. This has to be easier. Really. 




You know, your mind LIES to you in the dark. 


EIther way, I got a pair of needles, 3 crochet hooks, some cute purple balls to put on the ends of my needles so I wouldn’t accidently use them as weapons of mass destruction and two cheap balls of yarn, dug through the how – tos in the arsenal and began. 



Impressive right? 


It didn’t look any better horizontally. 




For the record, it took me over two hours to complete that glorious knot of yarn. Much sweat and cursing went into it.


I started to destroy it, but my mom insisted I keep it and put it in my basket with my ratty cross stitch piece – which really isn’t even cross stitch tbh – and so it has been been given proper services and put away. 


My friend Bev insisted I download Skype – which I’ve done and we stitch together once a week via video chat. Bev has crochet and knitted me several lovely items, including a cell phone carrier in my favorite color, a scarf, a bed jacket with matching slippers among other things. 


I’ve worked hard. Rather than unravel my masterpiece, I’ve simply made chain rows so I can see my improvement. 


Don’t laugh…






Casting on isn’t a problem – it’s that first row that sucketh major massive moldy rocks. 


But I think the more recent rows look much better. 





Which face it is a damn site better than V.1




I was soooo proud of myself. I’ve even found a nearby (like under a mile away nearby) Knit Wits that meets once a month just to sit around and knit and chat. They help poor little newbies like myself. I can now complete the row in under 5 minutes. I”m doing good. 


or was. 


Either way – I’m bragging to Jollytr and she says – so it looks like this… 





erm… not quite… 














But you know what? I”m going to do this! I WILL make my grandmother proud! I have Hobbit Slippers to make… and ruffled, buttoned gaithers and shawls – with the directions in Japanese – to make… and fingerless gloves and socks and Ogre headbands!!! 


I can do this! 




I will succeed, no matter who it kills…